I can’t explain how strange it feels to walk around with the absence of anything at all in my crotch.

“It’s almost like I left my dick at home,” I say, swapping glances between Riley and my shorts, “Like, I just forgot to pack it in there.”

Lex!” she hisses, “Button those back up! And also…I forgot where we parked.”

We do eventually find the car by following a trail of foliage — Returning to the scene of my earlier assault on the lawn-care.

The car doors open and us women get settled in. “Maybe I can get a second opinion,” I mumble.

Naturally, Riley, quickly dispenses one with a smile. “I think you’re pretty great.”