“Riley!” I shout, two arms deeper into the outfit, attempting to negotiate my head into the right hole. “Just tell me — This is all some prank to make me think this is real, right?”

But the weeping giant doesn’t say word, opting to slip the hoodie over my head and past my hair, revealing an embroidered set of bubble letters on the front. “What does this thing say?”

She laughs anxiously, “Uhm, ’HOT STUFF?’ It’s very…cute on you.”